As a blizzard rages outside, 36 hours away from the (theoretical) departure time of my (even more theoretical) flight, it seems appropriate to contemplate the hazards of holiday travel.
Like many people, I don’t love flying under even the best of circumstances. My biggest fear, of course, is failure to arrive at my destination at all, but superstition forbids me to speak of this. (Unless it’s not speaking of it that’s unlucky — I keep forgetting).
I’ve actually experienced some of the less catastrophic, more annoying travel hazards: cancelled flights, lost luggage, a night spent sleeping on the floor of an airport that wasn’t even on the itinerary. Mr. Frump and I have returned home to find our car snowed/iced/plowed in at the airport more than once. And don’t even ask about the time we were bussed from one airport to another in the snow, only to then spend the night at that airport.
They say we should name our fears, face our demons, keep our enemies close. So in order to ward off the Evil Spirits of Holiday Travel, I will now focus attention on more trivial travel-related worries. So without further ado, here it is:
The Frump Factor’s Top Ten List of Holiday Travel Worries
10. Hair gel confiscated at airport. Because if it’s strong enough to tame my unruly locks, then it just might be a form of plastic explosive.
9. In a fit of packing dysfunction, I wind up with a suitcase full of underwear but no shoes.
8. Wacky hi-jinks at airport body scanners result in humiliating Facebook photos.
7. Ziplock bag mix-up at security check-in leaves me with shaving cream and BenGay but no makeup.
6. After being accordioned in an airplane seat for several hours, I discover that I can no longer straighten. Clothes hang oddly forever after.
5. Due to a sudden drop in cabin pressure, all remaining collagen is sucked out of my face.
4. In the unlikely event of a water landing, bathing suit makes me look fat!
3. Stranded in Cleveland with no clothes.
2. Stranded in Cleveland, period.
1. Unforeseen weather events mean that I arrive in a completely different climate from that for which I packed. Of course, that would necessitate guilt-free shopping, now, wouldn’t it? Hmmmm, I may have to re-think that one.
How about you? What is your most irrational travel-related worry? Or, do you have any stranded-in-the-airport beauty tips to share? Just don’t tell me your travel horror stories. I have enough to worry about!