Please Stow all Carry-on Items

As a blizzard rages outside, 36 hours away from the (theoretical) departure time of my (even more theoretical) flight, it seems appropriate to contemplate the hazards of holiday travel.

Like many people, I don’t love flying under even the best of circumstances.  My biggest fear, of course, is failure to arrive at my destination at all, but superstition forbids me to speak of this.  (Unless it’s not speaking of it that’s unlucky — I keep forgetting).

I’ve actually experienced some of the less catastrophic, more annoying travel hazards:  cancelled flights, lost luggage, a night spent sleeping on the floor of an airport that wasn’t even on the itinerary.  Mr. Frump and I have returned home to find our car snowed/iced/plowed in at the airport more than once.  And don’t even ask about the time we were bussed from one airport to another in the snow, only to then spend the night at that airport.

They say we should name our fears, face our demons, keep our enemies close.  So in order to ward off the Evil Spirits of Holiday Travel, I will now focus attention on more trivial travel-related worries. So without further ado, here it is:

The Frump Factor’s Top Ten List of Holiday Travel Worries

10.  Hair gel confiscated at airport.   Because if it’s strong enough to tame my unruly locks, then it just might be a form of plastic explosive.

9.  In a fit of packing dysfunction, I wind up with a suitcase full of underwear but no shoes.

8.  Wacky hi-jinks at airport body scanners result in humiliating Facebook photos.

7.  Ziplock bag mix-up at security check-in leaves me with shaving cream and BenGay but no makeup.

6.  After being accordioned in an airplane seat for several hours, I discover that I can no longer straighten.  Clothes hang oddly forever after.

5.  Due to a sudden drop in cabin pressure, all remaining collagen is sucked out of my face.

4.  In the unlikely event of a water landing, bathing suit makes me look fat!

3. Stranded in Cleveland with no clothes.

2.  Stranded in Cleveland, period.

1.  Unforeseen weather events mean that I arrive in a completely different climate from that for which I packed.  Of course, that would necessitate guilt-free shopping, now, wouldn’t it?  Hmmmm, I may have to re-think that one.

How about you?  What is your most irrational travel-related worry?  Or, do you have any stranded-in-the-airport beauty tips to share?  Just don’t tell me your travel horror stories.  I have enough to worry about!

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About Anne @ The Frump Factor

Reflections on beauty and style, for women who weren't born yesterday. Bring your sense of humor and "Fight the Frump" with me!
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6 Responses to Please Stow all Carry-on Items

  1. Serene says:

    Anne, that’s hilarious! The only thing I hate more than packing is UNPACKING! It’s just sooooo tedious! My husband and I have decided that we could so go to live in a hotel. It doesn’t even have to be fancy like Genoa City’s Athletic Club on the Young and the Restless…..I could do Holiday Inn. Fix it up real cute, have cable and daily maid service….why the money we’d save on shampoo and soap would more than make up for the price of the room!
    LOL Cleveland airport is a ZOO! Would NOT want to be stuck there! Much love to you! ~Serene

  2. Yes Hilarious! I am so glad I finished my whirl wind travel adventure in the nick of time…(before bad weather that is)

  3. Molly says:

    My most irrational travel fear is that I’ll end up back in Chattanooga at the end of the trip. gaaaaaaaaaaaa, did I actually type that? oops.

    AForeignLand.blogspot.com

  4. Sorry for my late replies — I’ve been catching up on lots of blog stuff since my trip! You ladies cracked me up. (And I actually spent the night in Chattanooga on this trip! And while the hotel there was ok, I wouldn’t want to live in it).

  5. katy says:

    Honey I would REJOICE if you were stuck in Cleveland…it would put you pretty close to some old friends, ya know. OK, one of them! And, hey, CLEVELAND ROCKS!

    • Hee! No offense intended, of course, to any and ALL readers in the Greater Cleveland Area. I just couldn’t stop myself from going for the easy, predictable punchline. (And I would love to visit you!).

      The only airport I’ve ever felt truly stranded in was Washington Dulles — and it was far, far worse than Cleveland could ever be. I got on the only flight going out — didn’t even care where it was going!

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